Friday, April 29, 2005

Hypothetical letter to
students at semester's end...

Good Morning Students,

I know as the final exam approaches some of you are deeply distressed.
I know some of you have serious concerns.
I know some of you are wondering if your exam will be anything like a Bush Presidential News Conference.

In other words:
Will you know all the questions before they are asked?

And will you be able to plant several softball questions in an attempt to look good?

My answers are no and no.

I hold you to a higher standard.

Yours, in the spirit of old-fashioned American accountability,
-- Professor Phun

P.S. No outside help via cellphones either!




[Aside: funniest educational prank ever?]

Friday, April 08, 2005

The Moral Authority of a Devil

"Baby Suggs grew tired, went to bed and stayed there until her big old heart quit. Except for an occasional request for color she said practically nothing--until the afternoon of the last day of her life when she got out of bed, skipped slowly to the door of the keeping room and announced to Sethe and Denver the lesson she had learned from her sixty years a slave and ten years free: that there was no bad luck in the world but white people. "They don't know when to stop." she said, and returned to her bed, pulled up the quilt and left them to hold that thought forever." --Toni Morrison, Beloved


Some things, like Toni Morrison's words
Just take your breath away.
You think you've heard it all...
Read it all...and then
Suddenly,
You see something so striking
Your lungs collapse
In pain.

In those moments,
Between reckless gulps for air,
You wonder
How often can that happen?
How often can you be
Shocked and smashed,
Routed to tears,
And torn to rage?

Not often you think,
Because you've become inured
Obdurate,
Casehardened to the evil world,
Confirmed as a skeptic
On the sly nature
Of many a human heart...

And then suddenly
Just when you thought you were free and clear
Of blame and censure and ferocious feeling...
Along comes something
That rips cool comfort away.

The other day
I ambled across page 1 of
Howard Zinn's
"A People's History of the United States"
And had my sweet air
Once again
Horsewhipped out of me:



After such moments
In amped tones
You may hear yourself again say:
Damn you dirty devils!"
And to think,
They celebrate this ancient miscreant's
Rancid racism
Annually with a holiday.

But then...
You whitewash your ire away,
Because after all that was 500 years ago.
And so...
You rest your rage and relax.
Because you think
The devil is gone out of white people now.
After all,
They've learned a lot
About being human
And Christian
In the interim...

And then, just then--
You hear something
In a big-bang nuclear nanosecond...
That totally strips
You of air
And shatters you
Of your precious wind of charity.
Something that makes you wish
That the white devil
Had but one neck...
So that you might cut it off.

On NPR's Talk of the Nation yesterday
Dina Temple-Raston,
Author of
Justice on the Grass,
Was interviewed
By Neal Conan.

She's a brilliant speaker.
And her 16 minutes are filled with
Several massive
Trillon-ton ethical explosions.
The main one of which
I transcribe for you here.

But first,
Bear in mind
Some atrocious facts
That you cannot possibly
Hold in your lungs for long--
That in 1994,
In 100 Rwandan days
800,000 breaths
Expired.

Why?
Well because:

"The truth is Hutus and Tutsis are not two different tribes. They're descendants of the same ancestors. And they have the same religion. They have the same language. They intermarry. Hutus is actually a word that means slave in Kinyarwanda.

So it was really a caste system. And it was a caste system that was developed by the Belgians in the 1900s. They basically didn't want to administer Rwanda. They didn't want to use Belgian resources. So they put the Tutsis in charge as a divide and conquer idea. And then handed out cards and said:
'Okay how thin is your nose? Oh if your nose is thin then you are a Tutsis.'
'What color is your skin? Oh if your skin is dark we deem you a Hutus.'

And by issuing these cards they basically codified a system that didn't really exist before they got there. If you seen Hotel Rwanda or Sometime in April you'll see when people go to the roadblocks where they were often killed during the genocide, they were asked for their identity cards. It was these cards that the Belgian gave them, this artificial, sort of construct, that lead to the death of many Tutsis"
--Dina Temple-Raston

That is a phenomenal passage.
An absolute nuclear bomb.
An ethical sin
That dims day.

How thin is your nose?
If you skin is dark...
We deem you a Tutsis.
Creating artificial divisions?
Do white people have
Any moral authority
On this planet at all?

Any?
At all?

Hold that thought please.
Forever.


Update (4/09/05 @ 3:22 PM Tucson time):
My timing is freaky sometimes:

Tens of thousands of supporters of a militant Shiite cleric filled central Baghdad's streets Saturday and demanded that American soldiers go home, marking the second anniversary of Baghdad's fall with shouts of "No, no to Satan!"

You think they think--
We've got
All the moral authority of the devil?

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Last Judgement:
A different kind of papal eulogy

popeSince all the world's
Most important people
Are issuing statements
In regards to the current Pope's
Heavenly fall
From physical grace...

And since I am a frontier American,
Born and bred
And fed
On such maxims as this:

"A nod from Lord is breakfast for a fool" -- B.Franklin

Which I've always interpreted to mean:

I,
And my opinions,
And my life,
Are as important as any other som'bitch
On this planet...
And as such,
I don't bow down to any president or pope,
Or celebrity
Or CEO
On this earthly sphere...

I've decided to issue,
Not a statement on this pope's passing,
But rather,
A statement on another pope's legacy:

"And Michelangelo entered on his ninth decade, and worked, as an artist, under his ninth Pope.

Pius IV, when the master was eighty, had wished to have the Last Judgement destroyed, but had then ordered the half-measure of painting over the most conspicuous nudities--simply because he knew the old man was indispensable.

Now Pius V put the finishing-touch to this barbarian prudery. The master took no heed; he was working at his cathedral, pondering on his dome."

-- Emil Ludwig (Three Titans)


Imagine that.

Some simple-minded pope,
Who is just another man...
Who is
Just another,
Meat-eater in a white smock...
Thinking he is divine enough to alter the master's work.

Imagine the hubris!

And then imagine
Every manner of serf
Sychophant,
And worshiping
Suck-ass,
Supporting him in his juvenile opinions,
And doing his vile bidding
With sacred alacrity.

Truly...
A nod from a pope,
Is just like a nod from a lord,
Which is just like
A nod from a CEO,
A celebrity,
Or a president.
It's weak breakfast fodder
For fools
And fools alone.

Frontier American that I am...
I hold these truths to be self-evident.