I command thee...

Cheney: F is for Failure

Cheney's hunting accident has roiled up a storm of bad poetry, and even worse, a flurry of Elmer Fudd photoshops. The satire misses a deeper point. Namely: How would a real leader have acted in this situation?

It really is rather simple:
A real leader would have made lemonade.

In other words:

A real leader would have expressed remorse as soon as possible.

A real leader would have said, "Given my long joy of hunting, and given that I have now participated in a grievous hunting error, I am going to dedicate time, money, and my office to help develop tools for greater hunter safety."

Cheney did none of these.

He gets an F for failure.
And America... an F for letting this fuck-up off the hook.

Cocking that rifle...

The website onegoodmove.org has a post built around the opening clip of the old television series The Rifleman.

Someone has photoshopped the clip so that Cheney's face appears instead of Chuck Connors.

That's good for a modest chuckle, but the most astounding thing about the clip is its value as a classic illustration of the use of a phallic symbol.

Go watch the clip:



and then return and take a look at this picture.

My point?

Gun control is a deeper issue than the Democratic party ever realized.

Furthermore:

The Democrats don't have a chance of reclaiming the presidency until they grok the sound of a cocking rifle.

In other words:

This country is populated by morons who equate their guns with their dicks.

To win the presidency, you've got to let them keep their hands firmly around their hard shafts.

There really is no other way...

Dodging Muhammad's bullet... Or pulling Muhammad's beard?

Go have a read of left-blogosphere in regards to:
Islamofascists versus Cartoonists.

There is no there there.

The luke-warm liberals
All caught up in the bifurcations
Of their musing and amusing minds...
Don't know where to build their fire.

For example,
Go have a quick read of that rational liberal Kevin Drum,
Who doesn't know quite where...
To bury his head in the sand.

Let me give ya'all liberals a hint...

The First Amendment:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

I mean really...

I have to link to a right-wing guy
Who doesn't even believe in global warming
To find the proper muscularity:

Muhammad with a bomb in his turban:

*-O(:~{>

Wake up liberals!
Your refusal to permit the slander of Muhammad...
Is no different than your former views of Stalin and the USSR in the Fifties and Sixties..

You either believe in the free play of Mind's speech...
Or you don't.

Wakey up.

Is Marshall good or what?

Nobody...
but nobody,
Out writes Joshua Micah Marshall on the web.

He is the master...
Who can capture in a sentence or two,
The entire spirit of an age:

"Remember Duke Cunningham?
He was crooked before crooked was cool. Way back into last summer."

And...

"Let's put this headline in amber and pack it into the time capsule. Let folks know what it was like."



Truly that's as rich as it gets.

The high art of deadpaning honed to its sharpest edge...
You are a masterful throat-slitter Josh...
Brilliant stuff...

Dick Cheney morbid news freak...

Okay…
I admit it…
I'm a Dick Cheney morbid news freak…

And what I want to know now is:

More about those early DUIs of his...
Give me all the sordid little details…

How about a well-chosen interview or two?

Was he wobbling and shouting:
"Fuck you"
"And Fuck you"
"And Fuck you too..."
At his arresting officers?

And speaking of officers...
Tell me exactly what he said five times
To those officers
Who tried to recruit him for the Vietnam war.
That ought to be worth
An evil belly laugh or two.

But really,
And truly,
And mostly...

What I want to know more than anything else
About our dirty little public Dick,
Concerns...
The ending of that Jay Leno clip...

Now that's some super-hyper-provocative shower grime...

So please,
Tell me more,
About that little germ-infested corner of Cheney,
I never even knew existed…

Sure...

I knew that as
CEO of Halliburton...
He offshored to Bermuda various divisions...
To avoid paying corporate tax to the very government...
That now pays to have an ambulance follow him around 24/7/365...

Sure...
I knew that.
But that's just paltry elephant peanut shit...

When compared to...
The ending of that Leno piece...

So c'mon...
For godsakes...
And chrissakes…
Shine some sunlight on that festering hole of sin...
Will ya please?

Hurry...
'Cause,
I need my dirty Cheney morbid news fix.

Yes,
I admit,
I'm an evil junkie...
And yes,
I admit,
I am bored
Of the various...
Vampires, Hitlers, and Osama bin Blairs.

I NEED my evil Cheney fix NOW!

Goddammit...
I've gone without,
For almost,
One whole solid unsoiled day...

Cheney Shot a Man (Yesterday)

UNBELIEVABLE!
THE VICE PRESIDENT
SHOT A MAN...
AND IT WENT UNREPORTED FOR 24 HOURS!
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL:
"EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE!!!"

A fundamental question...

[Aside: ]

Waiter, there is a American in my soup!

Imagine...

You could go into an American restaurant
And have a meal
Brought to you by
An adroid that...
Does not sniffle, cough
Or have a runny nose.

And one for which,
A few lines of computer code
Had taught it forever
Not to place its thumbs
On the inside surface of your supper plate!

Imagine...

[NOTE: From the hypothetical book of poems:
1001 Tales of Modern American Stupidity. Or: Why We Need to Insource to Robots Now!]